Whispering Spirit

Blue Green - copyright Brenda Isaak Takao

Spirit has been asking me to stretch again. 

For so long, I gave myself excuses.  I can’t start my own business now; I’m trying to get pregnant.  I can’t go into business with my brother; same reason.  I can’t exercise now; I have this ruddy distance course to finish.  I can’t do art now; same reason. 

All the while, spirit has been whispering in my ear about taking chances, living out loud, following my heart’s desire.  Of course, I only listened when I had a ready excuse handy – driving in my car, looking at someone else’s art in some gallery nowhere near my art room, or while I really did need to finish those research papers in order to finish my course on time.  The list was and still is endless.  I can get so excited about what I want to do, just so long as I have no hope in hell of doing it right here and now.

This year I have been trying to change that.  By God it is hard.  I discovered (see earlier post) my inner critic this year, and have been in negotiations to get her to soften up.  I also realize that I am very afraid of failing.  But that is no excuse.  If you never try, you never fail, but you never succeed either.  I know that most successes start with failure.  I just have to find a way to see beyond that possibility.  I have to learn to pick myself up and try again.

And all the while the voice of spirit has been getting louder, interesting coincidences, messages of self love and acceptance keep getting sent my way.  Messages about the connectedness of all things are everywhere.  Opportunities are cropping up.  I even managed to manifest a simple wish I had about horses in a big way this summer (strange, but true!).

Trinity - copyright Brenda Isaak Takao

So I did it.  I am patting myself on my back.  I just sent out an email invitation to a group of people ( I can’t believe I talked myself into hitting the send button!) to a talking circle that I want to start.  The voice of fear says, “it might be a good idea, but what if no one shows up?  What if they all have prior engagements, or worse, no interest?” and the inner critic chimes in with, “and who do you think you are?  All those women are probably way more knowledgeable about this than you!”  To which I reply, “I am not there to teach, only to guide a conversation, an exploration.  I hope to learn as much as anyone! If no one shows up, well…I don’t know, maybe it was not meant to be or maybe I need to try again.  I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.”

Right now, I am envisioning myself in a group of women, sharing, growing, building, and it excites me.  I am trying.  I have taken a step.  I have to keep taking steps. Mmmmm….dancing steps.

And so continues the journey.

Spirit, if you are there, I am listening.  I am trying.  Thanks for believing in me.